Not your Typical Anti-Valentine's Day Rant

I HATE VALENTINE’S DAY.

Beginning my post with this strong statement probably suggests to the unknowing reader that I may well be single. However, I have in fact been in a relationship for the last four years. During this time, I have NEVER ONCE been on a ‘Valentine’s Day Date’. In fact, I have only ever been out with my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day once, four years ago, coincidentally. As the violins play around me, and all the romantics gush over my misfortunes, I should point out that this is ENTIRELY to my satisfaction.

I cannot think of anything WORSE than sitting in a packed restaurant surrounded by lovey-dovey couples, waiting a millennium for my food- chosen from a set menu I don’t really like- to arrive. Or crushed in the cinema by couples more involved in tongue sandwiches than the OTT chick flick being screened.

God help me when it comes to browsing Instagram on Thursday. I don’t know how “self-timered” photographs of snogging couples I can take.

Then there are the gifts. The purchasing of a tacky little present from the local petrol station, or a teddy that is going to gather dust under my bed, all to fund the suppliers who advertise the day as soon as they take their Christmas products off the shelves in the first week of January.

If my boyfriend wanted to treat me to something more substantial, then he can feel free to also do so for the rest of the 364 days of the year also. (Hint, hint, Kieran)

I did consider constructing ANOTHER one of those ‘what to get your partner for Valentine’s Day’ blog posts. But then I would either be lying, or the post would be VERY empty.

I can just about stretch to buying him a card. Not a card that cost £4.00 from Clinton’s, nor a card that has some kind of sickly love note inside, but a card nonetheless, just to thank him for being around to listen to me complain about Valentine’s Day, along with the very LONG list of complaints he has to deal with on a daily basis.

As for those who are single.

Forget about this new ‘Anti-Valentine’s Day’ malarkey. It’s just another attempt at consumerism by all the profit-hungry companies that currently have such a persuasive effect on all those saps that spend a fortune on it’s rival, Valentine’s Day.

Additionally, I am SICK AND TIRED of statuses on Facebook and tweets whining and whinging and complaining that they have no-one to spend Valentine’s Day with. It is no different to having no-one to spend the 13th or the 15th of February with. Turn your attention away from irritating me online, and towards going out and having some fun. You never know, you might meet somebody to spend next Valentine’s Day with instead of feeling sorry for yourself!

Furthermore, if you’re recently single because of somebody who treated you badly, CELEBRATE the fact that this year you can save a few pounds instead of using social networking sites to insult them!

By my own admission, I am somewhat emotionally stunted. I don’t cry at movies, or coo over little kittens on the television. But then again, so is my boyfriend. I often tease him for not surprising me with romantic gestures like bunches of flowers or hand-written poems (pardon the sarcasm), but deep down inside I would much rather he turn up on my doorstep with a family bag of skittles or bottle of wine ready for Sky Sports Super Sunday!

So, come Thursday, I won’t be looking forward to any of the things many of people in this country who are involved in a relationship are trained to do so from birth. Instead, I’ll be looking forward to curling up in front of the Emmerdale double-whammy and moaning about Debbie Dingle to my long-suffering Valentine!

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