Here is a very silly list of ten things no-one (in their right mind) is ever likely to say:
[disclaimer- I am only 99.9% sure no-one would say these things!]
1) I have too much money, I wish I was poor!
2) I love it when I get woken up before my morning alarm clock.
3) Sure, go ahead and steal my handbag.
4) Steven Gerrard is crap at football.
5) I’m so glad the central heating is broken in the winter.
6) Brussels sprouts are nicer than chocolate.
7) Marilyn Manson is a style icon.
8) Cineworld prices are really reasonable.
9) Michael Jackson had plastic surgery? No way!
10) Who is Barack Obama?